Roger Tuckerman Emails

The Need for Work-Life Balance

An employee emails his boss to tell him of a shocking incident.

work life balance

Subject: Incident in your office

Dear Mr. Moon,

It happened again! And this time I know who did it. I unlocked your office door, and Bob was standing on your desk with a big grin on his face. He buttoned up his pants, jumped down from the desk, and walked right past me. He must have a key!

I’m sorry, Sir, but when I cleaned it up, the smell was so terrible, I hurled! Unfortunately, I stained a whole bunch of your papers. Don’t worry though! When my shift was over, I went home, got a hair dryer and came back. After I dried the pages, I read them, and the text is still clear. I didn’t know you’re being sued for a million dollars!

I have some good news! Before I came to work today, I dug up a Chrysanthemum Morifolium from my garden, and put in a pot on your desk to absorb the odour. Your office no longer smells now, but there are a quite a few flying insects.

Tomorrow, I’m going to come in early, and hide under your desk, so I can catch Bob in the act! I’ll take a photo, so you have proof. Man, that photo is going to be ugly. I’ll probably hurl again.

I was hoping you might give me bonus pay because cleaning your desk isn’t in my job description. I’d like a small raise if you don’t mind. Maybe 50 cents an hour?

Hope you’re having a great holiday!


Subject: Incident in your office


This is your fourth email to me! Why do you email me every day to tell me the same damn thing? If Bob sh—t on my desk, I’ll deal with him when I get back. This isn’t that important. It could have waited.

To be honest, I don’t even believe you. Bob doesn’t have the key to my office. I have the key. It’s likely you made up this sh—t story because you want more money from me.

When I hired you as the janitor, I thought I made it clear. If there is a real emergency, employees can call me, but they are not allowed to email me when I’m on vacation. Since my heart attack, I’ve been practicing work-life balance. I don’t want to think about work while I’m away!

Lastly, staff are not permitted to read papers on my desk! When you start your shift on Monday, I want to speak to you.


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