Roger Tuckerman Emails

The Number-One Reason for Weight Gain

Roger Tuckerman has a theory about what kind of foods cause weight gain.


Subject: Question about your products

Dear General Manager,

I’ve been shopping at your store since my 30th birthday. That was the day my mother kicked me out of her house because I never paid her any rent.

Hitting rock bottom was the best thing that ever happened to me. A week later, I got a job at a gas station, and learned how to live independently. In the past year, I’ve learned how to cook, do laundry, and buy my own groceries!

My favourite thing to do when I shop at your store is introduce myself to women. (I often meet women by commenting on the groceries in their shopping carts.)

Although I’ve been rejected dozens of times, I am not discouraged by this. I believe that if I ask 1,000 women out for coffee, the odds are very good that one will say yes!

In the past six weeks, I’ve noticed a strong correlation between the amount of processed foods in people’s carts and the body mass of the person pushing the cart. I have a theory that this correlation is in fact causation.

Case in point: When I was at your store last Sunday, I saw a 300-pound man exploring the dairy section. I looked at his cart and counted three boxes of Fruity Loops, a box of crackers, three meat-lovers pizzas, a box of Hungry Man classic fried chicken, a bag of white rice, a package of pepperoni, and a can of Diet Coke.

I politely asked the man: “Do you think you are obese because of your food choices?” What happened next, I did not see coming!

He swore at me (using the F-word and the A-word), ran over my foot with his cart, and then he snatched the tub of lactose-free yogurt out of my hand, which was the last one on the shelf!

I don’t want to file a complaint against the fat man. (I’m confident karma or heart disease will get him eventually.) But I’m hoping you can answer a question for me.

As the manager of a grocery store, I’m sure you have expert knowledge on all the products that you carry. Can you confirm if eating processed foods is linked to weight gain?

If eating these products is why I’ve gained 50 pounds in the past year, I will have to start making different food choices, or perhaps eat less.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Roger Tuckerman

If you liked this letter, it was published in my second eBook.


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