[A letter found in someone’s mailbox]
I sold my house and made a profit of over $50,000! The young couple who bought my home have made an excellent investment. Housing prices are going to keep going up, and up, and up!
For the past year, I was hoping that you would sell your house (I put a real estate agent’s card in your mailbox every month), but you never listed, so I put mine on the market.
The reason I decided to sell is I go to bed at 10 every night, and every Saturday, you blast your music until two in the morning! On Sundays, I wake up feeling like a zombie. ☹ I really love your 80s music collection by the way. Awesome tunes!
I’m going to tell you a secret: I’m the guy who called bylaw on you. When I couldn’t sleep, I sat by my window, and waited for the bylaw officer to arrive.
Last Saturday, the officer knocked on your door, and you were so drunk, you threw up on him, and started yelling like a maniac when he fined you for the fifth time! It was totally hilarious! I laughed so hard, I wet my pajamas.
Honestly, now that I think about it, I’m going to miss you, neighbour. You gave me many wonderful memories.
P.S. I’m having a house-warming party at my new place on March 13th. Would you like to come and be the DJ?