Three Reasons Why I Love Getting the Flu

From: tuckermanroger@gmail.com
To: editor@kamloopsthisweek.com
Subject: Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

I love getting the flu! When I’m coughing, groaning, or hurling, I’m thankful for the days when I felt great.

Getting the flu is a blessing in disguise because I’m a janitor at a University and receive sick pay. I get to do nothing (at the taxpayer’s expense) and watch Netflix all day!

Another reason I love getting the flu is I always have a religious experience. Nothing makes me cry out to God more than when I feel like hell!

If you want to get the flu this winter, here are three helpful tips:

• Don’t get a flu shot.
• Hug people who are sick.
• Shake as many hands as possible.

When I meet people in nightclubs, grocery stores, and elevators I always reach out and shake their hand. My odds of getting the flu greatly increases, especially if they didn’t wash their hands!

A 2015 survey of 100,000 in Europe found that 40 per cent of women and 62 per cent of men don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom.

This means that if you shake the hand of an EU person who is infected with a flu virus, the odds are 50-50 that you will get it too!

However, if you don’t want to get the flu, and someone tries to shake your hand, clench your fist, and give them a fist bump. A recent study found that a fist bump is 20 times more hygienic than a handshake.

Sincerely,

Roger Tuckerman

If you liked this letter, it was published in my second eBook.