Funny Emails

Why Putting a “Gun-Free Zone” Sign on your Lawn is a Bad Idea

A man puts a “gun free zone” sign on his front lawn to keep out burglars.

gunfreezoneFrom: tuckermanroger@gmail.com
To: info@mydoorsign.com
Subject: Refund Request for “Gun-Free Zone” Signs

Attention: Customer Service

I ordered three signs from you, and I am very unhappy with your product. The signs say, “Notice: Gun Free Zone.” They are aluminum, size 10 x 14 inches. I put one on my front lawn, one in my bedroom window, and another on the back door of my house. These signs did not work as your website said they would!

The first week I had no problems. But on Friday March 3, I woke up at midnight and could hear breaking glass! I went downstairs and there were two masked men with guns in my living room. I was so scared I literally crapped my pants. I couldn’t call 911 because my cell phone was in the living room, so I went back upstairs and cleaned myself in the bathroom. When the two masked men left, my television, computer, Blu-ray player, and cell phone were gone, and my kitchen window was smashed!

Your website totally deceived me. Your homepage says, “Door signs give instructions, tell you what to expect next, keep untrained people out.” I thought that your signs would keep burglars out of my house. Well, either the burglars can’t read, or they read them and disobeyed the instructions. And now I have to pay a $1,000 deductible on my insurance claim!

I want a 100% refund. I paid $17.99 per sign, and I want you to pay the cost of shipping them back.

I will never buy this product again, and I’m going to tell all my friends that putting a “gun free zone” on your front lawn is a very bad idea. I will also be posting a negative customer review. I hope that won’t affect your decision in giving me a refund.

Yours truly,

Roger Tuckerman

9 comments

  1. I thought so. “According to the Crime Prevention Research Center, “gun free zones” (areas where guns are prohibited) have been the target of more than 98% of all mass shootings.” I wonder why this is the case. In the UK, it’s very tightly controlled and we don’t see it happening. I feel as if it’s almost become ‘fashionable’ for those who intend to commit such crimes. Glad you covered and provided commentary on an important topic in an interesting way.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It would be much better to live somewhere, where the opposite were true in my view. Where it is assumed most places are gun free and guns were only allowed in a few limited spaces.ie shooting ranges.
    I live somewhere where it is assumed most places are gun free, so as a consequence, we do not need gun free zones. I might add I have also lived in an actual war zone and guns were kept in the hands of people professionally trained to use them.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks, Sophia. It was very difficult to write and make it funny. I had to scrap my original concept and start all over again.

    I became really interested in the topic of “gun free zone” signs after the latest mass shooting in Florida. In my view, putting up a “gun free zone” sign creates a “safe space” for a mass shooter.

    Liked by 1 person

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