Subject: Letter to the Editor
A lot of the courses you take at University are completely “useless” if you want to get a job.
However, unlike non-academic people, I love “useless” courses, and I plan to take as many of them as possible, as long as I can keep getting student loans!
As an adult basic education graduate, my job prospects are bleak. But if I keep borrowing money, and taking “useless” University courses, I can escape my greatest fear: to be a wage slave in a fast food restaurant or retail store!
When I first enrolled in University, my dream job was to be a professional gambler and playboy, so I took a course called “Probability and Games of Chance: Poker 101.”
I failed math in high school, but this course really increased my confidence. After I wrote my final exam, I flew to Las Vegas, gambled $5,000 and lost it all! That course was totally useless!
The course, however, did teach me a valuable life skill:
I learned how to calculate the odds of seducing a woman. After getting rejected 37 times, I knew the odds were in my favour, and I seduced a beautiful young woman at the poker table.
I took her to my hotel room, but before we got into bed, she told me her rate was $500! People who go to casinos are so greedy!
When I returned home from Vegas, I felt depressed, so I enrolled in a course called “#SelfieClass.” I took 99 selfies and wrote three essays about myself.
At the end of the course, I did a class presentation and told everyone what happened in Vegas. The instructor said that I’m a unique and special person! Everyone in the class smiled at me. My self-confidence was fully restored!
I’m now taking a course called “Wasting Time on the Internet.” I haven’t learned a single thing on time management, but I’m in love with one of my classmates. Her name is Emily, and like me, she is addicted to her cell phone.
Every Friday night, Emily and I go out for coffee and text each other. This “useless” course helped me find my online soul mate!
The truth is, there are no courses that are totally “useless.” When students borrow money to go to University, there are instructors, administrators, and hundreds of other employees who get union wages, benefits, and a pension.
So even if you take a course that gives you no job skills, it still allows other people to financially prosper, and that’s good for economic growth!