Roger Tuckerman Emails

I Have Toxic Masculinity!

Roger Tuckerman learns that he suffers from toxic masculinity.

toxic_masculinity

From: tuckermanroger@gmail.com
To: admission@brown.edu
Subject: I Have Toxic Masculinity!

Attention: Admissions Officer

I read that Brown University has a course called Unlearning Toxic Masculinity. I was wondering what the pre-requisites are and how much tuition costs.

I recently learned that I am filled with toxic masculinity.

My journey to awareness began after I had a picnic in a state park with my girlfriend Sally. We were eating cucumber sandwiches (that I had made for her) when we heard a cat high up in a pine tree. The cat was so afraid, it was shaking and couldn’t get down. Sally told me to climb the tree and rescue the cat.

I’m always eager to please Sally in any way that I can, so I climbed ten feet up the tree, but when I looked down, my heart began to pound. I made a voiceless cry, and with Sally’s help, I slid down the tree trunk without hurting myself.

Once my heart rate returned to normal, I yelled at the cat and threw a dozen rocks at it, but it still clung to the branch! Then I poured my soy milk onto a plate, but it wouldn’t come down.

A week later, I read in the newspaper that the cat died, and Sally blamed me. She said if I wasn’t such a “spineless coward” that poor cat would still be someone’s pet. And the next day she dumped me!

I don’t know what to do. My masculinity is so toxic, it repelled my high school sweetheart.

I’m hoping your course will teach me how to be a real man.

Sincerely,

Roger Tuckerman

12 comments

  1. Our society places alot of demands on men. They have to be strong and rugged, but at the same time sensitive; confident, but not arrogant; sincere, but not wimpy. We blame the good ones for the harm done by the bad ones, tarring them all w/ the same brush.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, I have to say, your revisions were worth it. You absolutely nailed it!

    I had to read it a couple of times to make sure it was satire. That’s the sad state of affairs we face today.

    And yeah, I never heard of such a course, either. Can you just IMAGINE the outrage and uproar if one were actually offered somewhere? There’d be rioting in the streets… literally.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hmmmmm….

    Well, poor ol’ “Roger” sure as hell ain’t afflicted with “toxic masculinity” at all. In fact, he might want to check inside his knickers to make sure he’s even a guy.

    LOL!

    Pretty funny stuff, Christopher.

    That Brown course…. Man, oh man.

    I wonder if any college anywhere ever devised a course on “toxic femininity”?

    Liked by 1 person

Your comments are welcome!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s