Roger Tuckerman

I Have Toxic Masculinity!

Roger Tuckerman learns that he suffers from toxic masculinity.


Subject: Requesting course information

Attention: Admissions Officer

I read that Brown University has a course called Unlearning Toxic Masculinity. I was wondering what the prerequisites are and how much tuition costs.

I recently learned that I am filled with toxic masculinity.

My journey to awareness began after I had a picnic in a state park with my girlfriend Sally. We were eating cucumber sandwiches (that I had made for her) when we heard a cat high up in a pine tree. The cat was so afraid, it was shaking and couldn’t get down. Sally told me to climb the tree and rescue the cat.

I’m always eager to please Sally in any way that I can, so I climbed ten feet up the tree, but when I looked down, my heart began to pound. I made a voiceless cry, and with Sally’s help, I slid down the tree trunk without hurting myself.

Once my heart rate returned to normal, I yelled at the cat and threw rocks at it, but it still clung to the branch!

Then I said in a sweet, soft voice, “Here, kitty, kitty!” and poured my soy milk onto a plate, but the cat wouldn’t come down to drink it. I was so frustrated I jumped up and down and screamed!

A week later, I read in the newspaper that the cat died, and Sally blamed me. She said if I wasn’t such a “spineless coward” that poor cat would still be someone’s pet. And the next day she dumped me!

I don’t know what to do. My masculinity is so toxic, it repelled my high school sweetheart.

I’m hoping your course will teach me how to be a real man.


Roger Tuckerman

You can read more letters like this in my eBook.


  1. Crazy timing. I was just talking to the hubby about this very topic. What is going on with our world? Men should be men and women should want men to be men.
    As to the poor kitty. I shed a tear. ;))

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Our society places alot of demands on men. They have to be strong and rugged, but at the same time sensitive; confident, but not arrogant; sincere, but not wimpy. We blame the good ones for the harm done by the bad ones, tarring them all w/ the same brush.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, I have to say, your revisions were worth it. You absolutely nailed it!

    I had to read it a couple of times to make sure it was satire. That’s the sad state of affairs we face today.

    And yeah, I never heard of such a course, either. Can you just IMAGINE the outrage and uproar if one were actually offered somewhere? There’d be rioting in the streets… literally.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hmmmmm….

    Well, poor ol’ “Roger” sure as hell ain’t afflicted with “toxic masculinity” at all. In fact, he might want to check inside his knickers to make sure he’s even a guy.


    Pretty funny stuff, Christopher.

    That Brown course…. Man, oh man.

    I wonder if any college anywhere ever devised a course on “toxic femininity”?

    Liked by 1 person

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