Subject: Financial assistance for immigrants
Dear Señor or Señora,
I want to immigrate to Mexico and become a citizen.
All my life I’ve felt like I don’t belong in Canada. I feel like I was born in the wrong country. (My mother also believes she gave birth to the wrong child.)
Biologically, I’m a white male, but I self-identify as a Mexican and practice your culture on a regular basis.
Every Tuesday, I go to Taco Barn for all-you-can-eat tacos; I import roosters from Tijuana for my annual cockfighting festival; and my favourite cartoon of all-time is Speedy Gonzales, the Spanish-speaking mouse!
Speedy inspired me to get my driver’s license when I turned 21. Despite failing my driver’s test six times, I’m now one of the safest and fastest drivers in Canada!
Consider my driving record: I consistently drive 10 to 100 kilometers over the speed limit, yet I’ve never had a car accident! My friends tell me I’m the human version of Speedy Gonzales!
To become more like Speedy, I took Spanish 101 at University. Sadly, I failed it twice, and three years later, I can’t remember anything I learned. If I move to Mexico, and try to find a job, I will be a marginalized person because I don’t speak Spanish.
I believe that if an immigrant can’t speak the language of the country they move to, they should receive a disability benefit until they learn the national language.
Would your government be willing to give me a disability benefit of 10,000 pesos ($691 CAD) per month? That’s my monthly income in Canada, after I’ve paid my speeding tickets.
I eagerly await your decision.