Roger Tuckerman Emails

Are you a procrastinator?

I can help students stop procrastinating!

From: Roger Tuckerman <tuckerman@gmail.com>
Sent: April 18, 2022 8:32 AM
To: Lisa Goddard <XXXXXXXX@tru.ca>
Subject: Long Night Against Procrastination

Dear Ms. Goddard,

Two Rivers University is hosting an event called Long Night Against Procrastination. I understand you oversee the workshops and are looking for presenters.

Although I am not currently a TRU student (as I failed all my courses last semester and can’t get anymore student loans), I would like to host a workshop as I have a unique talent.   

I am the proud owner of a crystal ball (jet black, shiny, 12 inches in diameter—just like the one Sauron used in The Lord of the Rings!) I bought it on eBay. When I tell my friends I bought it for only $500—the regular price was $5,000—they look at me with astonishment!

When I look into my crystal ball, I can tell students what their final exam mark will be, and I only charge $4.99 per grade. Telling students their future grades can help reduce their anxiety, unless of course, they are going to fail. Then they get really stressed out!     

However, if students have an “F” in their future, it is better they know now than to find out after they write their exams like I did. I was emotionally devastated. If I knew in advance I would have failed, I might have studied!

My crystal ball workshop will inspire students to stop procrastinating! As a special bonus, if anyone is failing their courses, I am available for free hugs!

If my workshop interests you (and my crystal ball has shown me you are thinking about it right now), please, be a role model to your students. Don’t procrastinate! Email me today!

I spent all my savings on my crystal ball, so I hope you’ll say yes. Unfortunately, my crystal ball hasn’t shown me what your answer will be. But if you don’t contact me soon, I might not be available. I’ve been procrastinating on finding a job, and I have a lot of bills to pay!

Sincerely,

Roger Tuckerman

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