From: Roger Tuckerman <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Sent: October 13, 2022 8:32 AM
To: Lisa Godard <email@example.com>
Subject: I resign my position!
After a lot of soul-searching, and consultation with my friends and my cat, I have decided to resign as Plant Manager, effective immediately. The current situation is intolerable for me and the plants.
Four months ago, I was very pleased when your Assistant Chris promoted me and told me to water the plants once per week. He couldn’t offer any bonus pay or business cards, but I loved getting a new title no one else had. This made me feel appreciated and elevated my self-worth.
I also enjoyed doing the work. When I watered the plants and talked to them each day, I made them happy, and they filled my lungs with oxygen. It was a healthy, two-way relationship (and a better relationship than I had with my last girlfriend.) But sadly, all good things must end, and in this case, end badly.
Last week, I saw a co-worker watering the plants after I did (and Chris sat in his office and did nothing to stop him!) When the plants all die, I will not be held responsible. It is the fault of the amateur who over-watered them!
I hold no animosity towards that unnamed person, even though Chris will no doubt promote him to Plant Manager soon. He doesn’t deserve this title. He is unqualified! He is a plant-killer!
If you don’t want any dead plants on your conscience, I will tell you his name, and you can fire him immediately. (You are a great leader, so I am confident you will make the right decision.) On that happy day, I hope Chris will promote me to Plant Manager again. But this time, I want a small raise.