How to Improve Employee Morale

From: tuckermanroger@gmail.com
To: michael@abcbookstore.com
Subject: Three Ways to Make Employees Happy

Dear Michael,

Morale is very low among the employees at your store. Dave told me, and I told everyone else. The new hires didn’t know how bad of a place it is to work, but they all know it now!

I would like to suggest three ways you can improve employee morale:

First, if a staff member doesn’t like coming to work, and business is slow, they should be allowed to go home early—with pay. If you allow disgruntled workers to go home, and pay them for not working, they will love their jobs!

A second way to improve employee morale is to end the three-strikes-rule for showing up late. By not requiring staff to start on time, you won’t have to suspend anyone. The three-strikes rule has been very bad for employee morale.

A third way to improve employee morale is if a staff member doesn’t like a task that you give them, e.g., shelving books, or greeting customers, a co-worker of their choice should be forced to do it.

Nothing creates more job satisfaction than when you can give a task you don’t like to a co-worker, especially if you don’t like that person!

I hope you will implement these three policies immediately. If you do, I guarantee all your staff will love coming to work. And when workers don’t have a bad attitude, you won’t have to fire anyone, like you fired me.

It’s easy to improve employee morale! All you have to do is lower the expectations you have of your employees.

Sincerely,

Roger Tuckerman

P.S. If you implement these policies, and morale improves, would you consider hiring me back?

Published in Letters from a Madman