[A letter found in someone’s mailbox]
Dear Neighbour,
I sold my house and made a profit of over $50,000! The young couple who bought my home have made an excellent investment. Housing prices are going to keep going up, and up, and up!
For the past year, I was hoping that you would sell your house (I put a real estate agent’s card in your mailbox every month), but you never listed, so I put mine on the market.
The reason I decided to sell is I go to bed at 10 every night, and every Saturday, you blast your music until two in the morning! On Sundays, I wake up feeling like a zombie. ☹ I really love your 80s music collection by the way. Awesome tunes!
I’m going to tell you a secret: I’m the guy who called bylaw on you. When I couldn’t sleep, I sat by my window, and waited for the bylaw officer to arrive.
Last Saturday, the officer knocked on your door, and you were so drunk, you threw up on him, and started yelling like a maniac when he fined you for the fifth time! It was totally hilarious! I laughed so hard, I wet my pajamas.
Honestly, now that I think about it, I’m going to miss you, neighbour. You gave me many wonderful memories.
Best wishes,
Roger Tuckerman
P.S. I’m having a house-warming party at my new place on March 13th. Would you like to come and be the DJ?
Christopher John Lindsay 
I’m working on a 10-minute play called Ghetto-blaster Man. I think you may have given me an idea on how to rewrite the climax.
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Loud music at night is a horror. I fantasise about being part of a special ops unit that swings through the window and shoots the stereo.
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That’s an excellent suggestion! I added that to the P.S. line.
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You forgot to ask him to bring along is music!
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Thanks, Woody! I try to tolerate my neighbour’s music, but if I can hear it in my house when I am watching TV or reading a book, I often call bylaw. I believe the occasional call will have the effect of quieting the neighbourhood.
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I own a unit in a complex of units. People mostly keep to themselves but are friendly with others.
Incidents of loud music or excessive dog noise are few and far between.
My unit, number 1 (of course), shares a wall with unit number two and we both remember that, only very rarely disturbing each other with noise.
But some other owners and renters used to get busy with a loud, whining power-tool before 9am on a Saturday morning sometimes.
One of these times, the current tenant of number two (a large, powerfully muscled young man) and I (A tall, bald man with horns made of putty on my head and bathed in red light) approached to remind the offender that such noise has to be made sometimes but that the polite thing to do is wait until after mid-morning,(especially on the week-end).
Wisely he changed his habits.
My job and the journey to it demands I am up quite early in the morning. I cannot and will not tolerate things that prevent me from getting a good night’s sleep.
Best,
Woody
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I completely and wholly support reporting people blasting music past midnight. Always.
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Oh my gosh. I have had a number of years with renters blasting me out of existence and put in a lot of complaints. It’s been quiet now for a while, thank God.
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You are much nicer than I would ever be. Lol.
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