A judgmental person is like a porcupine. Get too close, and you could get hurt. Judgmental people have three common traits: They are overly critical, they show no respect for the person they criticize, and they justify what they say because they believe it is the truth. People can become judgmental due to their pride, their hurt and anger at being wronged, and a lack of love for others. Three ways to overcome being judgmental include self-reflection, forgiveness, and seeing the whole person.
The word judgmental is defined as “having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.” The first trait of a judgmental person is they criticize too much.
No one can handle being criticized all the time. It puts a strain on a relationship because the person being criticized feels unloved. Further, when someone is too critical, it is human nature not to like them. A judgmental person repels others and will have a hard time forming long-term relationships.
Judgmental people repel people not only because of their words, but also their tone. They will speak to (or about) a person with hatred, contempt, or disrespect. Instead of speaking calmly and rationally, they can be highly emotional—hurling insults, or using profanity.
A judgmental person will often justify the things they say because they believe it is the truth. However, the truth should not be used as a weapon to hurt someone, or to destroy their self-worth.
Every human being has worth and value because they are a human being, not because they are good or bad, a success or a failure. A judgmental person often bases an individual’s worth on their character traits, or some other criteria. They are unable to separate a person from their actions.
Judgmental people often believe they are superior to the person they are criticizing. In looking down on others, the judgmental person has an ego problem: a heart filled with pride.
In addition to pride, a person can become judgmental when they are angry at being wronged. Hurt and wounded inside, their heart can grow cold, and they harshly judge the person who mistreated them.
Whatever the root cause, a judgmental person has a heart that lacks love for other people. The danger in being judgmental is that once you feel hatred, contempt, or disrespect for one human being, it becomes easier to transfer these feelings to another.
One way to stop being judgmental is through self-reflection, by recognizing that everyone has faults. The more a person self-reflects, and realizes their own shortcomings, the easier it is to love and accept people as they are.
Another way to stop being judgmental is to forgive the person who wronged us. Forgiveness doesn’t change what the person has done, but it will set us free inside, so we can let go of being hurt, angry, and offended.
A third way to stop being judgmental is to open our eyes and see the whole person. A judgmental person will often hyper-focus on someone’s negative traits, making them blind to their positive qualities. If we can see the whole person, it is much easier to love them.
Instead of being judgmental, we should be selective in our criticism. When a person does something wrong, sometimes it is better to say nothing, to overlook people’s minor flaws and shortcomings. The more you criticize, the more you will be criticized, and the less likely people will listen to you.
However, there are times when we have a duty to speak. For instance, if a person is hurting us (or someone else), it is right and just to speak the truth to make them stop. In some instances, we may have to be bold and direct. But before we correct someone, we should show them love and respect. When a person feels loved and respected, they are more likely to listen to us when we tell them the truth.
Christopher John Lindsay 
Very important thought for our time. God bless!
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what do you say to a relative who tells you they are disappointed in you but won’t say why?
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Thanks, Debbie. Harsh criticism extinguishes love. We need to tell people the truth, but in a way that they are mostly likely to receive it.
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Thank you for this article! At this moment of my life I am dealing with a very judgmental partner. Even I don’t get away with the judgements and honestly it’s very stressful. I am not saying that I’m an Ángel but one thing for sure I have down in life is not to judge. Everyone has something going on in their life and well life is just hard period.
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“Do not judge by appearances; a rich heart may be under a poor coat.” Scottish Proverb
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Sorry, but I disagree. Unless we’re (A) rock singers (B) a genius, which I’m most certainly not (C) or the boss’s son, we all have to toe the sartorial line at work — especially if we’re on Bay Street.
Here in Israel, there are far too many secular Jews who sport tattoos (expressly prohibited by Halacha or Jewish law), piercings, cut-off jeans and G-d knows what else. This is not what six million Jews died in the Holocaust for.
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I don’t think we should look down on someone if they wear clothes that are different, or if a man has long hair, or they have tattoos.
One’s appearance is a reflection of their culture.
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So what should be my reaction if, after mercilessly prepping myself for an interview, I find that the guy asking the questions sports a ponytail, two nose rings, pink hair and tats all over his face and arms?
I don’t know about you, but It will be pretty damned hard for me not to judge that person as a first-class jerk!
I remember how shocked I was in my first year of college to find that one of the teaching assistants in my survey course on European history sported shoulder length hair.
To get a good grade in this course, I had to memorize reams — and, I mean reams — of dates, treaties, wars and monarchical lines of succession. In short, I had to be supremely disciplined, structured and organized — the exact opposite of the message this TA was sending with his hippy-dippy tonsorial style, thank you very much.
I could never take the guy seriously. Guess I was too judgemental.
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Excellent! God Bless.
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Wonderful article! I have lived my life of 62 years determined never to judge a fellow human being. I happy that I have succeeded so far, even though some individuals have tested my resolve. I truly appreciate your statement about forgiveness setting us free. I have felt a surge of freedom every time I have forgiven someone. Thank you for your writings! And thank you for stopping by my blog and appreciating my poetry!
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I think we can all fall into being judgemental at times and we all have particular issues, which push our buttons.
Being part of a “multicultural” family. I became aware that there were some areas where I could be more judgemental than other family members and other areas where I was far less judgemental.
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Much of this article dovetails with descriptions of narcissism.
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I enjoyed the article! I like how you point out the distinction between being “judgmental” vs. simply making judgments or criticisms. The latter does not necessarily make one judgmental. I read a book recently by William Gentry called “Be the Boss Everyone Wants to Work for: A guide for new leaders” and he makes the simple but profoundly true observation: “…strive to give five positive pieces of feedback over a period of time before you must deliver a negative one.” he bases this suggestion on research done by relationship experts John and Julie Gotterman in their work investigating successful marriages vs. those ending in divorce. according to the research- the ratio of positive to negative interactions for successful/married couples is typically around 5:1, whereas, unstable marriages show a ratio of 0.8:1.
In his book he also points to research showing how non-verbal communication (facial expression, tone, body gesture and proximity, eye contact, etc..) makes up anywhere between 65%-93% “..of the total emotional interaction between two people.”
I know I needed this reminder!
Thanks again!
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Nice article. I agree with the “feeling of superiority” that characterizes people when they judge. And they need recognition and attention.
However, I would be extremely cautious about labeling anyone as judgemental. I like to believe that almost everyone judges. But the intensity, frequency, situations, and expression may vary.
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Chris, this is an outstanding essay. I often recognize someone who is judgemental bad on their level of empathy of others. The “my way is the right way” attitude is overwhelming and is irrelevant because no two people are exactly the same, therefore their choices and opinions will differ. If the society as a whole would just open their minds and understand we are all different, there would be a lot less resistance to new ideas.
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Hi Marie, Thank you for reading my post. I wrote a short essay called “What it Means to Be Judgmental” on the film Separate Tables. This essay grew out of that analysis, and was also inspired by a former friend who is extremely judgmental.
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Heh heh. One of my coworkers could use this advice. Your story makes me wonder what prompted to you to write it.
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Great article. It’s important that we examine the causes and symptoms of being judgmental. I’d dare say most people don’t even realize they have this problem. It’s detrimental to others and even to themselves. As you said forgiveness sets us free.
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